Just Be
Posted by Pascale Payette on
As I was filling the last few pages of my 2020 journal, I realized that I wasn't sure that I really had taken the leap into 2021 yet. I felt like I needed to share a piece of my story before turning the page. Last time that I shared a heartfelt message here was back in March, and the feedback I got was truly amazing. So many of you related to the message in some way or another, and it gave me the strength I needed to go through the months that followed, knowing that I would probably share my thoughts again when the timing was right.
2020 was a rough year for everyone. We were all affected by it in different ways. We’re still all seeking a sense of stability in a very unstable world. Trying to find a routine and settle into it, with guidelines and restrictions are changing almost every day.
For me, 2020 started with a deep feeling of detachment from my passions. Passion had become work. Passion had become overwhelming. Passion had become the source of all of my stress and anxiety. What used to bring me joy was affecting my everyday life, and not in a good way. It was affecting the way I showed up as a mom, as a friend, and as an entrepreneur. As with most of us, I was always taught to bottle up my feelings and hide them where nobody could see them. We hide them where they can’t affect anyone but us, because we care so much about our loved ones. We lose ourselves in our work load, our relationships, our parenting duties, trying to be helpful to others. We lose ourselves trying to stay afloat. So, I just kept going. The show had to go on and I had to carry it all - that was my motto. Not the best of mottos if you ask me now, because as they say, if you don’t stop, life will stop you.
2020 cracked me open. In a desperate effort to hold everything together I forgot to hold onto myself. I was slowly spiraling down into my own scary and dark hole - a place of pure exhaustion. It forced me to stop. To pay attention to what led me to it. Looking back, the signs were all there. Self-doubt, feeling helpless, trapped, detached, disconnected, alone, loss of motivation and creativity, wanting a fresh start. I wish someone had told me that I was on the edge. I wish I knew the signs. But, I felt like I had to hold everything together.I felt like hiding my feelings was my only option. I wish that mental health was something we’d talk about more. That we’d talk about our challenges like we talk about our achievements. Because that’s how we grow.
I’ve been seeing a lot of posts in mom’s group lately asking if it’s normal to feel that way. Maybe I’m just living under a rock, but I wish I was more aware of the early signs of a burn out before I got deep into it. I wish that I had stopped and asked for help sooner - that I had a support system in place before I was forced to find one. I wish I had opened up about my feelings and my confusion way sooner because the moment I did - is the moment I realized that people around me were also struggling in silence and also the moment I saw from my eyes that there were people behind me willing to help, who are still helping everyday.
I’m openly writing from my own experience but whatever your struggle feels like, and as small or as big as it seems - you don’t have to go through it in silence. Give yourself permission to be honest about how you feel, talk about it with people you trust, journal it. Don’t worry about being perfect, you don’t need anyone or anything to approve of your worth. You don’t need to worry about having your life all in order, juggling your kids forever changing schedules, having your chores all under control. The mental load that comes with parenting is already insane asis. Take baby steps (that’s Erin’s favourite!). It’s an ongoing process and it’ll never be perfect. Everyone is trying to cope and adjust as we go - pandemic or not - but the lack of stability is extremely hard on everyone right now. It’s hard on us, our families, friends and - OUR LITTLE ONES. Just because they can’t put it into words doesn’t mean they aren’t feeling it. I can’t even put it all into words myself. They will show it through their behaviors - so, hello tantrums! Allow them to have their own big feelings. Show them how to take care of themselves by taking care of yourself. Children learn what they live.
One thing I know from my recent experience is that you have to pour love into yourself before you can pour your love into anyone or anything else. Self-love and self-care are not just a trend and they’re not just about bubble baths (yes, that’s the fun part of it - I have to admit it!) but you also have to have boundaries - how to say no to situations or people that don’t make you feel great. Surround yourself with people who show up for you and are supportive, even if it’s just to FaceTime or chatting in mom groups. Focus on the little things that bring you joy - as silly as they might seem, be present in the moment, breathe, don’t rush, pause from your long task list. Feel everything you’re holding inside, joy, pain, heartache, exhaustion - feel everything! You really have to put your oxygen mask on first, there’s no bypassing this. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help and be open to receiving it, you don’t need to handle everything alone. Isolation is HARD. Focus on the first small steps you can take - here - right now - today. Celebrate the small wins everyday. Your kids are fed? Great! For real, I’m just happy I can giggle today, that new ideas are flowing to me, that I have the energy to write. That I have this sense of knowing that I can make a difference in my loved ones life by taking care of myself first and just being me. You don’t need to figure it all out. That’s more than enough. You are enough. Just be.
And please, check on your friends! They might not be doing so great but they might not say it. Just offering a helping hand (within the lock down guidelines) or a listening ear can make a huge difference. Anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you.
On that note, I am extremely grateful for the love and support that I’ve been feeling from each and everyone of you during these stressful times. Despite my lack of consistency on social media, you never stopped supporting this brand and I thank you from the bottom of my heart! If you need someone to talk to, I’m here to chat, for real.
Also, if you’re not already following her - Vanessa from @L.B.E Fashion shares wonderful advice on self-love and self-care on her page, she’s truly uplifting and supportive!
2020 was hard in so many ways, and I know 2021 isn’t going to bring instant easiness to the situation, but it’s a new year, and it’s another opportunity for us to show up - for us, and for each other.
2020 was a rough year for everyone. We were all affected by it in different ways. We’re still all seeking a sense of stability in a very unstable world. Trying to find a routine and settle into it, with guidelines and restrictions are changing almost every day.
For me, 2020 started with a deep feeling of detachment from my passions. Passion had become work. Passion had become overwhelming. Passion had become the source of all of my stress and anxiety. What used to bring me joy was affecting my everyday life, and not in a good way. It was affecting the way I showed up as a mom, as a friend, and as an entrepreneur. As with most of us, I was always taught to bottle up my feelings and hide them where nobody could see them. We hide them where they can’t affect anyone but us, because we care so much about our loved ones. We lose ourselves in our work load, our relationships, our parenting duties, trying to be helpful to others. We lose ourselves trying to stay afloat. So, I just kept going. The show had to go on and I had to carry it all - that was my motto. Not the best of mottos if you ask me now, because as they say, if you don’t stop, life will stop you.
2020 cracked me open. In a desperate effort to hold everything together I forgot to hold onto myself. I was slowly spiraling down into my own scary and dark hole - a place of pure exhaustion. It forced me to stop. To pay attention to what led me to it. Looking back, the signs were all there. Self-doubt, feeling helpless, trapped, detached, disconnected, alone, loss of motivation and creativity, wanting a fresh start. I wish someone had told me that I was on the edge. I wish I knew the signs. But, I felt like I had to hold everything together.I felt like hiding my feelings was my only option. I wish that mental health was something we’d talk about more. That we’d talk about our challenges like we talk about our achievements. Because that’s how we grow.
I’ve been seeing a lot of posts in mom’s group lately asking if it’s normal to feel that way. Maybe I’m just living under a rock, but I wish I was more aware of the early signs of a burn out before I got deep into it. I wish that I had stopped and asked for help sooner - that I had a support system in place before I was forced to find one. I wish I had opened up about my feelings and my confusion way sooner because the moment I did - is the moment I realized that people around me were also struggling in silence and also the moment I saw from my eyes that there were people behind me willing to help, who are still helping everyday.
I’m openly writing from my own experience but whatever your struggle feels like, and as small or as big as it seems - you don’t have to go through it in silence. Give yourself permission to be honest about how you feel, talk about it with people you trust, journal it. Don’t worry about being perfect, you don’t need anyone or anything to approve of your worth. You don’t need to worry about having your life all in order, juggling your kids forever changing schedules, having your chores all under control. The mental load that comes with parenting is already insane asis. Take baby steps (that’s Erin’s favourite!). It’s an ongoing process and it’ll never be perfect. Everyone is trying to cope and adjust as we go - pandemic or not - but the lack of stability is extremely hard on everyone right now. It’s hard on us, our families, friends and - OUR LITTLE ONES. Just because they can’t put it into words doesn’t mean they aren’t feeling it. I can’t even put it all into words myself. They will show it through their behaviors - so, hello tantrums! Allow them to have their own big feelings. Show them how to take care of themselves by taking care of yourself. Children learn what they live.
One thing I know from my recent experience is that you have to pour love into yourself before you can pour your love into anyone or anything else. Self-love and self-care are not just a trend and they’re not just about bubble baths (yes, that’s the fun part of it - I have to admit it!) but you also have to have boundaries - how to say no to situations or people that don’t make you feel great. Surround yourself with people who show up for you and are supportive, even if it’s just to FaceTime or chatting in mom groups. Focus on the little things that bring you joy - as silly as they might seem, be present in the moment, breathe, don’t rush, pause from your long task list. Feel everything you’re holding inside, joy, pain, heartache, exhaustion - feel everything! You really have to put your oxygen mask on first, there’s no bypassing this. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help and be open to receiving it, you don’t need to handle everything alone. Isolation is HARD. Focus on the first small steps you can take - here - right now - today. Celebrate the small wins everyday. Your kids are fed? Great! For real, I’m just happy I can giggle today, that new ideas are flowing to me, that I have the energy to write. That I have this sense of knowing that I can make a difference in my loved ones life by taking care of myself first and just being me. You don’t need to figure it all out. That’s more than enough. You are enough. Just be.
And please, check on your friends! They might not be doing so great but they might not say it. Just offering a helping hand (within the lock down guidelines) or a listening ear can make a huge difference. Anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you.
On that note, I am extremely grateful for the love and support that I’ve been feeling from each and everyone of you during these stressful times. Despite my lack of consistency on social media, you never stopped supporting this brand and I thank you from the bottom of my heart! If you need someone to talk to, I’m here to chat, for real.
Also, if you’re not already following her - Vanessa from @L.B.E Fashion shares wonderful advice on self-love and self-care on her page, she’s truly uplifting and supportive!
2020 was hard in so many ways, and I know 2021 isn’t going to bring instant easiness to the situation, but it’s a new year, and it’s another opportunity for us to show up - for us, and for each other.