At this time last year, I suffered a full blown mommy-teacher-life'sabitch burnout. I had to step away from work to reevaluate who I was. Not only did I take a break from work, but I continued to send my two youngest boys to daycare two to three times a week. "For the first time in forever" - cue in music from Frozen, I was able to binge watch Netflix (Now cue exit to Kids T.V.) and I did it with vengeance. I sipped on coffee, watched T.V., walked my dog and resumed mommy duty when school was dismissed. Although it was much needed downtime, guilt decided to sit in the pit of my stomach and lurk in the back of my mind.
Here's what I didn't realize at the time:
1. Rest is not selfish, it is necessary.
2. I was not lazy - I was surviving, healing, coping...
3. My sedentary Netflix binging was my way to slow the fuck down. The situation was temporary, the lesson was not.
4. I was strong to realize my needs. At the time, I thought I was weak because of my depression, because of my leave from work and because I could no longer carry the expectations of the world on my shoulders.
5. I would be able to function again.
I came out of this with the best growth; the strength to say no. I said no to extra work, extra chores, extra activities, extra everything. I gave myself the power to do my best without losing myself in the process.
Finally, I said no to guilt. I told it to fuck off. It is still a work in progress, but I do not need to please everyone and to prove myself to anyone. There are so many different ideas, theories and perceptions about parenting that are suffocating our confidence in our abilities to actually parent. Social media is loud and obnoxious about what moms and dads are supposed to be. It is time for parents to realize that it is okay to hear it out, but to exercise the power to decide. Let's be proud of making the decisions that are appropriate and applicable to us within our own personal situations.
I dream of letting it go (no pun intended), free the bullshit and keep the passion.